He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
