He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
