Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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