I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
