Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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