Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
