I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
