Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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