I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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