rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
