what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
