Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
