oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
