he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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