My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
