Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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