It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think a kid would responsible me up
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
