so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
