Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
