were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
