I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
