Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
