I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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