Don't you send me to vm
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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