I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
