like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
3 2 1 whiskey
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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