dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i think my cat just said my name.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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