i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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