she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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