bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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