letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
