My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
