idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
