I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
