Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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