I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
