I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
