no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
