Having a random hookup so left but love u
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When are your genitals available?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
