You made me cry and you don't even care
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
