we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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