The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
