Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
