I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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