her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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