hotel room ftw
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
