I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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