She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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