Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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