I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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