Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
