I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
