god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
