Christians are straight up FREAKS
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
false alarm. still invincible.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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