I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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