mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
